March 12, 2017

How to Succeed Without Really Trying, The Class of '17 Way


Lindsay Biebelberg ‘17


Dear Class of 2018,


You have just taken the reigns from us and assumed your new role role as the oldest grade in school. You have got big shoes to fill, though; there is no grade quite like ours. You’re now the bosses; the captains; the head honchos; the big cheeses. There may be 56 of you, but that alone does not mean it will be easy to match our group of 34.
We’ve been told we have “outstanding qualities,” which “you wouldn't expect at first since there's so few of [us].”
We’ve been told we are “really good people.”
Perhaps most relevant to this piece, we’ve been told that people will “miss [us] when [we] are gone.”
Clearly, we have left our mark on the school and have managed to make it look effortless. In an effort to help you get started, here are some simple, yet foolproof tips to ensure that you too can leave a lasting legacy:


  1. Put cucumbers all over the walls. Really. “Why would we ever do that?” you ask. Counter argument: Why not?
  2. Lose all of the color wars. I’m not telling you to just miss first place – you need to come in last, every time. Without fail.
  3. Make sure to promote anything and everything in which you are involved excessively and without shame. Throw in some puns or rhymes while you’re at it.
  4. Sick of each other? Befriend your teachers!
  5. This one is multi-step: First, find an empty locker; next, buy individually packaged snacks; third, put said snacks into the aforementioned empty locker; finally – bam! – you’ve got yourself an instant snack closet!
  6. Always propose your good ideas. The grade below you will most certainly benefit from them.
  7. Around one third of your grade should show up to school on Senior Skip Day. You will get asked questions such as, “Why aren’t you sleeping?”, “Why are you here?”, and “What’s wrong with you?”, but you can’t make your mark if you aren’t in school to do it!
  8. Leaving things for the last minute is key. Close deadlines always make things more interesting.
  9. Finally, don’t take yourselves too seriously.


Good luck!


Love,
The Class of 2017
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